Thrive Academy

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How to Deal with the Emotional Trauma from a Business Failure

Have you ever had a big failure in your business?

Maybe you felt embarrassed, scared, unsure of yourself...and it felt so bad you wanted to just crawl under a rock and never come out again?

While Jesse and I had our share of big business failures in the early years, I want to share a story of a big fall with our 4-year old son, Zachary, my mommy trauma and how this relates to your business. 

I posted this in Facebook on the 4th of July: 

FullSizeRenderRecovering from Mommy Trauma tonight...

We went to the Scotts Valley 4th of July parade and then the boys and I decided to skate to Sky Park, rather than drive, for the party and fireworks.

Zachary (4) and I take off and we're having a great time. Jesse is on foot and stayed behind with Jacob (7 today) while he skated along.

We turn left onto Blue Bonnet Road and the sidewalk gets a little steep.

Zach and I are holding hands and we pick up speed quickly, but we are able to pretty easily veer off into the dirt right next to the sidewalk.

Jesse sees this and says something about it seeming a little dangerous, but I feel confident--I know we need to be cautious, but know we can just veer off into the dirt whenever needed.

(You have to understand that I'm a really awesome roller skater at the roller rink. And Zach has become quite an awesome inline skater.)

We're holding hands and start skating slowly down the hill again. I'm doing all that I can to maintain a slower speed…

And then the sidewalk suddenly gets REALLY steep...

And then steeper. And now we're racing downhill and there is only the curb on the left and a curb on the right that separates the sidewalk and the landscaping.

We start picking up major speed. Zach cries, "Mommy, I'm scared!"

My heart is racing...but I think we can get through this if we can just keep our skates forward and stay calm until the sidewalk levels out.

Now we are picking up more speed. I keep looking for when the sidewalk will flatten out...or there will be a wide driveway we can turn into.

But at least we are both still heading forward...I feel scared that we're going to have a big crash, but keep doing everything I can to stay present, keep going forward and keep us safe…

Still racing downhill...

Now I've lost control, and I can't figure out what to do to slow us down.

If I use my stoppers, we will go flying forward. If we run into the curb, we are going to eat it big time…

Now I'm scared!

Then Zach loses his balance and suddenly I'm holding him up off the ground with my right hand while we continue to fly downhill.

His skate catches my skate and I trip.

I almost regain control but then he falls into a driveway.

I feel strong momentum as I fall, so I let go of his hand to keep from dragging him on the ground.

I finally catch myself with my right hand, do a half-roll and land on my butt. Then my head hits the ground, the skirt of my dress flies up over my chest and my hat and sunglasses go flying.

I quickly push my skirt back down, get up and skate over to Zach, who is 10 feet away.

He is sitting on his butt with skinned and bloody knees showing through his torn blue baseball socks, that he (thank God) had pulled up over his knees.

"My flag, Mommy!" He is worried about his little American flag he got during the parade.

I grab the flag quickly while people across the street start walking over.

"Are you okay?" 

"I think so."

"We saw you hit your head."

"I think I'm okay." I was just worried about my babe. 

The flag seems to soothe him.

I remain calm and try to distract him from seeing his bloody knees. We get up to skate slowly (the hill isn't as steep here and that damn curb between the sidewalk and landscaping is finally gone).

From the top of the hill to the fall was a very long 20 seconds…

(You know that moment after the emergency is over and you realize something big just happened?)

We skate another 10 feet and I see a shady walkway to the right. "Let's sit down here and wait for Daddy and Jacob."

We sit on the ground and he sees his bloody knees. He starts crying while he pulls apart one of the rips in his sock.

"I'll buy you a new pair of socks. I'm so sorry, baby. We were going too fast and I didn't know how to slow us down."

We talk about how it hurts while he cries.

Daddy and Jacob arrive and I share briefly about what happened. The car isn't far and I know we've got Arnica, Bacitracin and Band-aids in the glove box.

I suggest Jesse carry Zach to the car.

Fortunately, Band-aids cover up bloody knees. And when you can't see them, they don't hurt as bad.

"I'm so sorry, Zachary!" He gives me a hug and then goes back to Daddy's lap.

We finally end up at the park and Zach says he wants to go home...But it's Jacob's birthday. And I know we can move on and he'll feel better.

"Zachary, I'm so sorry we were going so fast. And I'm so sorry you were so scared and got hurt. Mommy made a big mistake. We will never go down that hill in skates ever again.

Will you forgive me?"

He nods his head yes.

Shortly after eating dinner, I invite Zach to play some games. He says yes and seems to have mostly forgotten about his knees.

The park and the fireworks were great…

Until we were driving home, stuck in post-fireworks traffic on the same street where we fell.

The kids are fine, almost asleep. But my heart starts racing again as I see the sidewalk we raced down. I'm having trouble breathing.

Jesse notices and after a short conversation about what I'm experiencing, he suggests I do some EFT when we get home.

I don't usually do EFT, but the anxiety is really intense. I keep hoping tears will come and release it as we drive home, but they don't. I try shaking and this doesn't help either.

I keep thinking about what I could have done differently. If I had asked Zach to use his stopper, since it's on the back, that might have slowed us down. That's the only thing I could think of.

With my hand on my heart, I quietly tell myself I did the best I could in the moment as we drive home.

We get home and after the kids are asleep, I ask Jesse to teach me how to do EFT again.

After about 20 minutes of talking, tapping and eventually forgiving myself, I feel that I've moved the emotional trauma out of my body.

I realize now that the hardest part was not the fall...that was actually a relief within two seconds of realizing we were okay.

The hardest part was the fear I felt as we were racing downhill at what must have been 20 mph. The lack of control in my body. The danger my little guy was in and the feeling of powerlessness because I couldn't figure out what to do.

I realize my overconfidence worked against me today and put my babe in danger. I feel SO incredibly grateful that we got out with only two skinned knees, a road rash on my hand and a little bump on my head.

No broken bones. No concussion. No stitches.  

I'm grateful I have such an amazing and loving husband.
I'm grateful our angels took care of us.
And I'm grateful for the healing and empowerment work that is so readily available.

Writing this story was really therapeutic for me.  And then to be witnessed by posting on Facebook and reading the 70+ comments filled with love and support was awesome.

Zachary wasn’t quite ready to get back in his rollerblades the next day. But two days later, he is back in them as if nothing happened!

When Jesse and I looked back at this story, we realized there were several insights into how to deal with emotional trauma from a business failure.

1. Be willing to take risks.  While it’s true that my overconfidence got us into trouble, the willingness to take risks is essential to having a successful business.

You don’t always know what you’re getting yourself into and it will sometimes be scary.  But when you’re not willing to take risks, you can’t learn and grow. 

Zachary and I were just talking about pushing our limits minutes before we turned onto Blue Bonnet Road.  Will you sometimes get bloody knees in your business? Yes.  

But if your fear of bloody knees keeps you from taking risks, your business will stay limited to where it is now. 

2. Ask for support.  I’m so grateful I had the wherewithal to realize we needed support and to sit and wait for Jesse to come help us after the accident.

After you fall down, it’s essential to get support.  We love witnessing our Thrive Members asking for support in the Thrive Membership Facebook Group because we know that without being supported and loved after a “failure,” it’s much harder to get up again.  Human beings are NOT meant to deal with struggle and hardship alone.  We need support.

3. Be resilient.  My biggest concern was that Zachary wouldn’t want to get back up on his rollerblades again.  

Fortunately, children are very resilient and he only needed a day to move through his trepidation.   

How can you bounce back just as quickly? 

Create a safe environment where you can experiment with new strategies.

If you’re new to strategies like using the free consultation formula, creating your first group program, getting speaking gigs or making offers at a workshop or live event, for example, it will be much easier to bounce back when you’ve got a safe environment.  

At the Client Attraction Summit, we call this being “Sexy.”

We tell participants on Day 1 that it’s not going to be a perfect weekend. It’s going to be a Sexy weekend. So instead of saying “I’m so stupid!” when you mess something up you say, “I’m so Sexy!”

Just like Zachary, your willingness to get back up again and have fun is the only way you’ll be successful in the long run.

4.  Use tools to deal with any upset.  I was so grateful to have EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) when I realized I still had emotional trauma after the fall.

When you have a failure, it’s essential you fully deal with what happened and allow yourself to recover.  Otherwise, you’ll take that failure into the next thing and you can get frozen with fear. 

Give yourself permission to take care of yourself, to ask for support, to realize that you’re human and that it is your humanity that will ultimately draw the deepest connection between you and your community.   This is how you’ll bounce back quickly from emotional traumas in your business.

Did you enjoy this post? Please leave a comment and share it with others who might enjoy it too.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.

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Transition into a Heartselling Conversation (without being salesy)

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re at a live event and you’re hoping you’ll meet someone who would be a good client.

You strike up a conversation and it becomes obvious to you this person might be a good match for the work you do. And you want to gracefully transition from just a social conversation into a Heartselling™ conversation, without seeming intrusive or pushy…

So how do you make this transition without it feeling awkward?

featured-post-Feb26It might go something like this:  you’ve just met Jane at a live event and you’re having a friendly conversation during one of the breaks.  She’s tells you a little about herself, including how she knows the host and what she does for a living.  You’re both feeling pretty connected with each other. You acknowledge her and you see her brighten even more.

She asks you what you do and you share your What Do You Do Statement.

Then, you position yourself as an expert, while sharing your humanity vulnerably. If you’d like support with positioning yourself, see our last two blog posts entitled: Why Clients Cancel (and What To Do About It) and How to Position Yourself (If You Don’t Feel Successful Yet)…

When you have a hot what do you do statement and position yourself well, they will want to know more about your services (if they have the problem you solve).

If they ask you more about what you do, we recommend that you resist the temptation to tell them about your process or your title.  Instead, you can share your story about why you’re so passionate about this work.  

Share your story in a way that both positions you and lets them know that you understand their pain because you’ve lived through the worst of it and transformed your pain into an amazing life.

This is where the magic transition phase comes in:

If they are still leaning in, you can ask:

Do you have anyone in your life who struggles with _______(problem) and might want _________ (solution)?

This gives them the opportunity to say, “Yes, I have this problem.” Or, “I don’t have this problem, but I know someone who does.”  This is so essential, because if they have the problem you solve, it can feel very vulnerable to admit it.  This question gives them plenty of space to choose to trust you (or to wait until later to give you their trust).

Either way, you can congratulate yourself, because you have successfully transitioned from a social conversation to a Heartselling Conversation, without being pushy or sales-y.

We share more at the Client Attraction Summit about how to continue the conversation without ending up in the “sales box.” 

In the meantime, we’d love to hear what you think about this...

 

Let us know what you think in the comment box below.

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Why Clients Cancel (and What to do About It)

Have you ever had a new client cancel right after signing up?

We were leading our Client Attraction Mastery Event last weekend and I decided to make this video for you before I left the house.  

If you want to understand why this happens and what you can do to avoid it happening again, watch this video.

 

Let us know what you think in the comment box below.

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How to Tame the Most Intense Business Challenge

jesseAndSharlaMost coaches and holistic practitioners start their business because they want to do meaningful work. Can you relate?

But they often don’t realize how challenging running their own business can be. When it gets challenging, especially so challenging that it shakes you at your core, who are you going to be in the face of adversity?

What if there were two questions you could ask yourself that would allow you to tame even your biggest challenge?

Question #1:

WHY are you doing this “business thing” in the first place?

For most coaches and holistic practitioners, you do what you do because you received tremendous (even life-changing support) from someone who did what you are now trained to do. This is a great why!

However, if you really want to tame your challenge, we suggest you look at a higher level. Ask yourself, “How will the world become a better place because of the work I’m doing?”

This allows you to come up with a “why” that is bigger than your own well-being.
When you come up with the answer, you’ve got a powerful mission to fulfill. The bigger your mission, the bigger you become. And when you energetically become bigger, your challenge pales in comparison to your strength.

A few years ago, we realized that what we do best is turn local coaches and holistic practitioners into extraordinary Transformational Leaders who are making $10,000+ per month and impacting hundreds and even thousands of people with their work. Through helping our clients, we get to positively impact the lives of millions of people. This is a BIG GAME that inspires us, so much that the many challenges that have come our way have seemed small in the face of who we’ve had to become to win this game.

And the great news is that our well-being increases by fulfilling on this mission.

Now it’s your turn: How will the world become a better place because of the work you do?

When you have an answer that inspires you and lights you up, write it down and place it on your wall. Look at this every morning before you start your work.

Question #2:

There is a second question to ask yourself. This one is an edgy question because it’s easy to think you’ll be able to answer this question AFTER you are making six or seven figures in your business.

The question is: “How can your business be a force for good for the entire planet?”

When things get tough, it’s important that you’re not just in business for something bigger than yourself... you’re also in business for something bigger than your clients.

In asking yourself how your business can be a force for good for the entire planet, ask yourself: “How can my business be a vehicle for philanthropy?”

When your business success means you’ll be contributing to something greater than to yourself and your clients, your tough times will feel small in comparison to the people you are supporting through philanthropy.

Several years ago I was at an event with our dear friend, Cynthia Kersey. She shared her vision to have every child in the world get an education. I was so moved by her photos of the mamas and babies. And disturbed by the conditions these families endure, just to get a drink of water, for example.

I was moved by the idea that every child would not only get an education, but also get access to clean water (where the mamas didn’t need to spend their entire day to get water) and desperately needed medical care.

She also shared that the parents would learn how to earn a sustainable income, and that the community would be taught organic farming, to make sure that everyone in the village would be clothed, fed and educated in a self-sustaining way.

The thought of children starving and having no hope to get out of their circumstances is heartbreaking to me. It’s an instant guarantee of tears and a pit in my throat. By the end of that event, I stood up and declared that we would sponsor an African Village before the end of the year. I had committed to donating $25,000 without even asking Jesse!

Jesse, of course, agreed and this commitment fueled us in ways we could have never imagined. And when the middle of December came, we sent Cynthia’s organization, the Unstoppable Foundation, a check for $25,000.

At the time, it was a HUGE stretch to send that check. But now, when we see pictures of the new school building they built and the well, it inspires us to keep doing our business at higher and higher levels.

african childrenWhen our boys are older, we plan to take them to this village in Kenya, so they can see the good that came from our commitment.

(If you’re interested in learning more about the Unstoppable Foundation, here is a link to the website.)

We also have built philanthropy into our business model at the Client Attraction Summit.

We recently passed the $100,000 mark in our contributions through Kiva.org. We’re just getting started.

We encourage you to include philanthropy as part of your business model. When you make a commitment to have an impact in an area that is bigger than yourself, you will walk differently and talk differently and your problems will seem small in comparison with your soul-filled commitment. And when you look in the mirror, you will love who you see.

 

Let us know what you think!

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Achieve Your Business Vision in 2015 (Part II in a 4-part series)

In last week's blog post, you discovered why it's important to start Visioning now for 2015 and the 3 different ways to increase your impact and income.

Sharla_1165But many coaches and holistic practitioners stop there, because they have no idea HOW to achieve their Vision to either raise their rates, attract more clients or have clients stay with them longer.

In today’s article, we’ll focus on the middle strategy of attracting more clients.  You're going to discover the 3 vehicles you can use to get more clients...and how to decide which one is best for you to focus on.

This article can help you easily create your marketing plan so you can achieve your business Vision in 2015.

Here is a question I am always asked when I am interviewed on how to get joint venture partners to promote you: "What is the most important question you should ask yourself before you approach any potential JV Partners?"

The answer to this question will not only support you in being successful with JV's; it will also support you to get clear about what to focus on.

(Coincidentally, we’re leading our annual JV Retreat right now, where over 100 industry leaders, many who were once our clients and are now rocking their own communities, come together to connect, mastermind and support each other.  If you want to follow this event and see photos of some of your favorite mentors hanging out together, look for the photos on our Facebook page.)

My simple answer is: Get clear on your strategic objective.

Ack! Did that just sound like someone with an MBA?

I know, it sounds a little intimidating, but let's go deeper into this...

By your "strategic objective," I mean that one action you want someone to take that will give them the opportunity to say YES to working with you.

Another way of asking yourself this question is, "What is the ONE action I want someone to take… whenever I have a conversation, get interviewed, speak to a group, etc.?"

In a recent video, I shared the 3 points of conversion, which are the 3 different vehicles where a potential client might say yes to you.

As a coach or holistic practitioner, people will say yes to you during one of these 3 vehicles:

1. Free (or paid) consultation

2. Free teleseminar/webinar

3. Free (or paid) live event, speaking gig or workshop.

When you understand that you need to choose one of these vehicles as your main one, then you just need to consider how to get more people to join you in this vehicle you've chosen.

But how do you choose which one will be your main vehicle where people say YES to you?

We have a simple process for choosing your vehicle.  You need to consider these three levels of impact before you decide:

1. The Impact on Your Potential Client

When considering which of these vehicles to focus on, think about the experience your potential client has with you where they get the most transformation.

Where do you feel confident that they will have a turning point moment, where they will mark this moment as a before and after in their life? Where do you feel confident you can shift their paradigm, so they go from believing they can't have what they want, to believing they can?

This is the first step in their healing and empowerment and it should happen while they’re with you during this vehicle you're choosing.

For example, we know that when people attend our Client Attraction Summit, they have a huge shift in believing they can have the success they want in their business.

Some of this paradigm shift comes from the skills they learn during the Summit. And much of it comes from the life-changing experiential exercises.

So we focus on offering the Client Attraction Summit in all of our marketing, because we know this is where that turning point moment happens for so many of our clients.

The vehicle most coaches and holistic practitioners choose is the free consultation. Because they are able to provide massive value, and offer their potential clients an opportunity to have that turning point moment, where they say YES to themselves in a big way.

Now it’s your turn: Which of these is where you have the opportunity to create that turning point moment for your potential clients?  Choose one.

1. Free (or paid) consultation

2. Free teleseminar/webinar

3. Free (or paid) live event, speaking gig or workshop.

Now let’s look at the second thing to consider when choosing your vehicle…

2. Impact on You

The second thing to consider when deciding which of these vehicles is to choose the vehicle that has the most impact on you.  You want to make sure that the vehicle you choose fits into your personality, your lifestyle and is exciting to you.

You can ask yourself these questions:

What do I love doing the most? 

What excites me and lights me up?

Where am I most fulfilled in my interactions with clients?

When you answer these questions, you can look at each of the 3 vehicles and see which one fits most into your answers.

For example, Jesse and I LOVE to dance. We love to be in community. We love speaking, teaching and mentoring. And we love developing transformational exercises that people never forget. It is because of these things we love to do that our vehicle is a live event.

For many coaches and holistic practitioners, they LOVE connecting deeply with one person at a time, so they might choose the vehicle of the free consultation.  Others love being in front of groups, so they choose speaking or workshops.  And some others prefer to stay at home in their yoga pants, and choose teleseminars or webinars.

Now it’s your turn.  Which of the 3 vehicles fit into what you most love to do.

3. Impact on your bank account

The next thing to consider when choosing your vehicle is which one will have the most positive impact on your bank account.

So you want to consider where you are most effective (or can learn how to become highly effective) when it comes to having potential clients saying YES to working with you and are ready to invest and pay you money.

Is this most likely to happen in a one-on-one consultation? A teleseminar or webinar? Or a live event where you're speaking?

We know that for many coaches and holistic practitioners, the idea of asking someone to start working with you is uncomfortable.  

Can we offer a paradigm shift here?

It may be surprising for you to know that people actually LIKE to say Yes and LIKE to invest in themselves!

It’s true. At a recent Client Attraction Summit, one of our new members said that signing up for Thrive Academy Platinum was the biggest act of self-love she has ever done as she was smiling from ear to ear.  

This is how it feels to people when they commit to go on the journey with you!  

So where is this big act of self-love your new clients make (that has a positive impact on your bank account) most likely to happen?

During a consultation with you? A teleseminar or webinar? Or some type of in-person speaking event?

For most coaches and holistic practitioners, it's during the free (or paid) consultation that they will have a huge transformation and say YES to themselves (and to you.)

Many of our $10,000 Month Club Members focus on getting free consultations and offer a package of high-end coaching sessions during the consultations.

After going through these three different levels of impact, it’s probably pretty obvious which of the 3 vehicles is going to be best for you and your business.  

Stay tuned for next week’s blog post from Jesse where you’ll discover “How to Make the Internal Shifts Necessary to Achieve Your Vision.”

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