Do you sometimes doubt yourself when making decisions?  

If you do, then this blog post has the power to change your life.  

In this article, you’re going to discover the mindset and strategies that support me to make decisions I feel great about….decisions that make me a better man, father, husband, leader, and speaker.  Decisions that have supported us to impact tens of thousands of people, make millions of dollars and help our entire community thrive.

Self-doubt used to interfere with MOST of my decisions.  And one of the main reasons we’ve enjoyed so much success is because my self-doubt no longer runs the show.  My self-doubt takes a back seat to my Higher Self who has the steering wheel and takes me where I want to go. 

Where does self-doubt come from when trying to make a decision?  

I believe that self-doubt comes from our fear of making a bad decision.  But it doesn’t stop there.  Your fear may tell you that if you make a bad decision that it could put you into an overwhelmingly bad situation that you will regret for the rest of your life.  

The fear can be paralyzing.  

The problem is that when you are faced with a big decision, it’s important to be in an empowered state... if you are frozen or avoiding making the decision, you lose the power to make great decisions and are more likely to make a less than optimal decision.  And if you make a poor decision, you’re more likely to doubt yourself the next time you have to make a decision…. And the cycle of self-doubt becomes stronger and stronger. 

Fortunately, I have discovered 3 Strategies to Overcome Self Doubt and Make Great Decisions.

Strategy #1: Let Go of Your Fear of Making a Bad Decision

When I have been frozen by self-doubt, it was usually because I was trying to avoid something “bad” from happening.  Once I started thinking about what I didn’t want to happen, the fear would become paralyzing.  

I’d feel like I was living in a dog-eat-dog world, where I could mess everything up by simply making the “wrong decision.”  Even if the wrong decision was about what to wear to my session with a client!  “What if I don’t look professional enough (or too professional) and my client feels disconnected from me and wants to cancel and then I have to refund all their money? And then I won’t have the money to pay rent, and then I will be in a place of scarcity and not be able to attract any more clients, and then I’ll have to get a job I hate.  And then...what if I lose the job and become homeless, and die, cold and alone sleeping on the street?”

Wow!  From “what should I wear today?” to “dying cold and alone sleeping on the street!”

Does your mind ever take you down the rabbit hole like that?

Byron Katie says that “the worst thing that can happen in life is a belief.”  

I believe that this means that the pain of making a “bad decision” has little to do with your “bad decision” and is actually painful because of your belief (or the story you tell yourself about your decision).    

For example, recently I had someone come up to me at the Client Attraction Summit and say, “I really want to sign up for Thrive Academy Platinum, but I’ve already invested thousands in another mentor’s program and I have nothing to show for it.  I don’t want to get burned again.”

I set my intention to help her overcome her self-doubt and make a powerful decision (to invest in Platinum or not).  

As we went deeper down the rabbit hole, I discovered she was telling herself all kinds of things like: “I trusted myself once and failed.  I was so stupid.  That was a bad decision.  I can’t trust myself again.  I am a failure; I’m never going to succeed.”

She had a breakthrough in our short conversation, which I will share with you in Strategy #2.  But for now, I want to stress that the pain comes from the things you tell yourself, not from the reality of your situation.  To quote Byron Katie again, “Reality is always kinder than your story.”  

So instead of beating yourself up for the “stupid decisions” you’ve made, I recommend telling yourself something very different.  

Below is what I say to myself and my boys nearly every single night and it’s one of the key reasons my self-doubt and fear of making bad decisions has taken a back seat to my Higher Self.

Here’s what I say:
“I love you, no matter what you say, no matter what you do.  And we live in a Friendly Universe which means that everything that happens is happening for you and never against you.  If it feels good it’s here to support you and if it doesn’t feel good, it’s here to help you grow.  But it’s always a good thing and it’s always a gift.”

The more I hear myself say this, the more I believe it.  The more I believe it, the more I see evidence of it.  And the more evidence I see that the we are loved no matter what, that the Universe really is a friendly place, that every decision we make brings us to greater support or greater growth.  And the less I fear making bad decisions.  Because if this statement is really true, then I can’t lose.  I can’t fail. I’m not stupid. and I can trust myself.  

If this statement speaks to you, I invite you to read it again, print it out, say it to yourself, share it with your loved ones, and let it be a healing balm for you and those you love.

Strategy #2: Turn Your Deepest Regrets into Your Greatest Gifts

Now if someone confided in you that they really want to take your program but had a bad experience with another mentor, what would you do?  

If you’re like many people, you might tell them how your program is different/better and try to “make the sale.”  

Instead, I recommend helping them see the gift in their “bad decision.”  Because once you get that every “bad decision” comes with priceless gifts, you will never fear making a bad decision again because you will look forward to the gifts you get to unwrap. 

This is how I used this strategy to help our participant use this strategy:
I asked her, “What was the biggest gift you got from this other program?”  

She thought about it and said, “Well, I did get a few high end clients.”  

“How much money did these high end clients pay you?”  

She smiled sheepishly as she realized that her new clients had paid her more than the investment in that program.  

I asked her what else she got from the program.  

She shared enthusiastically a few more things that seemed small at the time, but looking back were pretty big.  

As she discovered that she really did get some gifts from that program, it dawned on her that it wasn’t a stupid decision and that she wasn’t a failure and that she really could trust herself.
From this awareness, she felt empowered.  

I honestly don’t remember whether she signed up for our Platinum program or not, but what I do remember is that she made her decision about signing up for Platinum from an empowered place. 

If you really want to release your fear of making a bad decision, make a list of your 10 biggest regrets, then find at least three gifts that came from each “regret.”

Strategy #3: Questions to Help You Make Better Decisions

Now that you have an empowered mindset, it’s time to get down to some practical strategies for making great decisions.  

Here are some questions I ask myself that support great decisions:

Q: Do you have all the information you need to make the decision?

Sometimes paralysis can come from trying to make a decision with missing information.  What questions can you ask that would bring clarity to the situation? 

Q: Do different parts of you want different things? 

Sometimes the Coach part of me (the part that loves kicking ass, strives for excellence, and is unstoppable) wants me to keep working.   The boy part of me wants to play.  And the tired teenager part of me wants to rest.  

Since they can’t agree on what to do, it can lead to checking Facebook which sort of appeases all three of them, but is not fulfilling.  It’s more powerful to have a dialogue with all of them and give them all a voice.  In this dialogue, you can give them space to fully express their feelings and what they want.  After hearing from each part, you can find a solution that honors all of your parts.  

You can conduct this dialogue in your journal or type it out on your computer (as you would characters in a play).

Hot Tip:  This is YOUR dialogue and you get to add whoever you want into the conversation. You can bring your Higher Self into the discussion.  You can bring in a mentor (or mentors) you respect.  Each part may bring a different perspective to a solution that is a win for everyone (all the different parts of you as well as everyone impacted by your decision).  Get creative, have some fun, and enjoy the process of coming into alignment with all these different parts of yourself.

Q: Where is your decision coming from: Love or Fear?

I believe that the intention behind your decision is more important than the decision itself. Making decisions from love and kindness perpetuates more love and kindness.  Making a decision from fear and scarcity perpetuates more fear and scarcity.

For example, a while ago we entered into an agreement with someone we trusted who “borrowed” $15,000 from us, lied to us over and over, and wasted many hours of our time. I found myself going to sleep stewing over it and waking up with adrenaline-pumping anger. “This guy is a scam artist,” I told myself.  “I need to stand up for myself and our family and get our money back.”  

After trying many times to get our money back, I had a decision to make: get our attorney involved or let it go.  I realized that the cost of devoting months of my life to this fight was far too great.  I only have so much fight inside of me... and I would much rather fight for a cause I believe in than fight against this guy.  

So I decided to let it go. Not because I’m a spiritual guy, not because it was the right thing to do, not for any reason except that it was the kindest thing I could have done for myself, my family, and our community.  

Rather than seeking to get the money from a man who was evading us, I took that same energy and devoted it to fight for our clients to get the best results possible.  And that $15,000 has come back over and over and over in the form of clients and JV partnerships that I would have squandered away, had I put my energy into fear. 

So I ask you now: Are you making your decision from fear or from love?  We say: Choose Love.

Leave us a comment and tell us how you feel about this blog post.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.

It happens to most coaches and holistic practitioners when they first learn they need a niche. They have lots of reasons they don’t want to choose one...

Or they understand that it’s important to choose a niche, but have no idea where to start.

If you think you’re still in a “Niche Crisis,” then you’ll love today’s blog post.

I wanted to shine a little light on this topic because Niche is something I’ve seen discussed and debated in the coaching and holistic practitioner space for over 10 years and there is often quite a bit of angst around it.

Now if you already have a niche that lights you up, then don’t read this article and second-guess yourself.

But if you’re still in a “Niche Crisis,” do any of the following frustrations apply to you?

• You’re afraid that a niche is going to “limit” you
• You have this burning desire to help as many people as possible and don’t want to “turn anyone away”
• You question whether your chosen niche is “the one” and are afraid to commit to it 100%

If you’re answer is Yes, Sharla and I completely understand...

First of all, we see a high percentage of participants at our Client Attraction Summit start out with the same challenges, questions, fears and doubts around niche. It’s a VERY common struggle.

Our Journey to Finding Our Niche

Back in the day when Sharla first started her acupuncture business, she resisted picking a niche for a long time.

You see, Sharla’s heart is so big, that she wanted to help EVERYONE. In fact, the rigorous training she went through to get her acupuncture license set her up to believe she could help anyone with ANYTHING.

So whenever the next well­ meaning person suggested that choosing a niche would help her get more clients, she just felt frustrated. But the more she resisted getting specific about who she helped, the longer she stayed stuck in her business, getting only a few clients here and there.

Even though the clients she did work with loved their time with her, they never sent her any referrals which made her even more confused and disappointed.

Can you relate?

When we finally discovered that choosing a niche actually allows you to serve even more clients rather than limiting them because now you are attracting “your people” to you, everything fell into place.

So, Sharla chose the niche of helping Professional Women lead a much more fulfilling and amazing life.

Even though this niche was still vague, it was more specific than “I help anyone with any problem.”

It was no coincidence that Sharla started getting tons of referrals because her professional women clients happily referred other professional women (because they knew who to refer and had lots of friends who were also professional women).

Suddenly, Sharla knew exactly how to talk about what she did and started getting major downloads for home study courses and high-end group programs for her people.

Months later, she discovered that her true calling was to help not just any professional women, but Coaches and Holistic Practitioners. And she discovered that she had a real gift in helping her clients attract more clients and make more money.

As a synchronicity, I was going on my own niche journey: from working with teens to college students to depressed people, to Coaches and Holistic Practitioners.

In 2005, we joined forces to help Coaches and Holistic Practitioners get more clients. That year, we made $175,000. Since then, we’ve been fortunate enough to help over 25,000 people and make millions of dollars.

The last ten years have shown us, firsthand, that choosing a niche you feel aligned with, that gets you excited and taps into a specific problem you solve for a specific group of people is the fastest way to get clients.

A clear, inspiring niche generates word-of-mouth referrals, builds recognition in your area of expertise, and increases the demand for introductory consultations.

That’s why it’s important you choose one.

At the same time, we know it’s one of the hardest decisions you might make in your business.

Take this case study from one of our Client Attraction Mastery students...

Inspiring Niche Case Study

Carol Benson is a relationship coach who had been struggling with her niche for more than a year when she came to us. During the program, she realized that she’d been in the habit of “niche” due to self­doubt and a scarcity mindset.

When something didn’t work right off the bat, instead of being curious and testing the waters, she would completely switch to another niche. And then maybe she didn’t feel fully aligned with that one, so she would switch to something else. And on and on and on.

Suddenly on the second day of our event, she had a breakthrough and was able to put her finger on just ONE of the key problems she sees her potential clients struggle with, and whoosh...everything fell into place for her.

All of the language for how to explain who she works with and how she helps them just downloaded into her brain. She knew how to tie in her background and expertise, the talks she could deliver at live events, the tools she could create to help clients succeed. Suddenly it all seemed so clear and EASY.

The funny thing is, she had already written a whole book on the topic but she had abandoned it when she moved on to something else in another niche switch. Clearly she was passionate enough about the subject to write and publish a book, but somewhere down the line she began to doubt herself.

Can you relate to this story?

Three Tips on How to Choose Your Inspiring Niche

#1: Ask yourself empowering “niche choosing questions.”

Eben Pagan talks about four mega-niches: Health, Beauty, Money and Relationships. Within each of these mega-niches are smaller niches. For example, within the Relationship niche is helping Single Women find their soulmate, helping couples get their spark back, and several others.

Usually, we find that finding a niche is as simple as looking in the mirror. Often, the best niche comes from asking yourself, ”Who am I and what have I overcome in my life (that I’d like to help others overcome)?”

Sometimes when you do a lot of niche switching it’s because you doubt what’s already in front of you. It might seem too obvious or too simple and like it can’t possibly be a viable niche. Once you get clear about a possible problem area you can help people solve, it’s a great idea to ask the following 3 Empowering Niche Questions. They will help give you clarity as to whether this is a good niche for you.

1. When people come to me, asking for help in this area, do I get excited?
2. Would helping people get results in this area be fulfilling for me? 
3. Is this an area I want to master or heal in my own life (if you don’t already have mastery with it)?

If you get 3 Yeses, you are well on your path to discovering a great niche.

#2: Have the courage to claim your niche, even if you’re just trying it on for size. 

If you don’t fully commit to a niche, it can cause you to show up in a lukewarm way so that even potential clients sense your hesitation and doubt.

When you try on a niche, even if it’s just in that immediate moment when you’re talking to someone, claim it 100% and watch what happens. How does the listener react? How do you feel when you say it? What feels right? What doesn’t quite resonate with you? Be curious and gentle with yourself here. You don’t have to marry the first niche that comes along but at least embrace it fully before you decide to release it.

#3: You don’t have to master your niche to claim it.

If you feel unsure about your chosen niche because it’s related to a problem or challenge that you feel you haven’t completely mastered yourself yet, remember that you only have to be two steps ahead of your clients.

In fact, very often clients will feel more at ease with you if they know you have been through something similar and that you know what it feels like to be in their shoes.

Most of all, be kind to yourself and have fun with it. The right niche should bring you joy and won’t feel like work. Continue to explore and open yourself up to possibility.

Post a comment below and ask a question or share a story.

Sometimes just shining a light on a topic like this can lead to a breakthrough moment.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.

At our recent Client Attraction Summit, I was once again inspired by the courage of many of the attendees who show up despite the fact that they don’t feel like they have “made it” yet in their business.

Many of them are brand new to business and feel like they are the only ones who don’t have the faintest idea of what they’re doing. Others have been in business for years and have had some success… but they have yet to get enough breathing room to relax.

Many operate on a “month-to-month” basis and feel frustrated that while some of their colleagues seem to have surpassed them, making way more money and showing up everywhere as an expert, they themselves can’t seem to get any traction.

There are even coaches and holistic practitioners who have experienced a lot of successes, but when it comes to raising their game up to the next level, they feel like it’s the first day of school all over again.

I can completely identify with that...

I remember going to my first event back in the early days where I walked in feeling like I must be the youngest, most insecure and least likely to succeed person in the room.  And, even though we’ve mentored thousands of people, there are still times when my insecurities creep in and I suddenly feel young and small.

And so I can relate to when people show up to the Summit feeling excited about being there and scared at the same time.

Scared of being seen as a fraud or a nobody.

Scared of getting validation that the little voice inside their head is right when it whispers they don’t have what it takes to succeed.

Scared of failing yet again.

I can see the fear and lack of confidence in their body language during breaks, in the way they try to become invisible, in the quiver in their voice when they ask a question.

But this inspires me! Why?

Because I know I’m about to witness a major transformation…

I know that the same people who walk in scared to death to be there, leave our programs with a completely different mindset.

When they move from being someone who struggles to get 1-2 clients to earning more than $10K a month in their business, they start to speak, act, and in some cases, even dress differently.

Let me tell you, when you begin to build up your confidence, the world responds.

You start attracting more ideal clients, joint venture opportunities and speaking gigs which allows you to shine even more brightly.

Here’s something we like to say at Thrive, “Confidence goes both ways.”

Confidence comes from the inside, but it also comes from the outside.

When you build the skill set to grow your business, you start showing up differently in the world. And when you get results like enrolling new clients for higher rates, getting booked for multiple interviews, or filling your group program, that feedback sends your confidence through the roof!

And so again you show up differently in the world...and the world responds in an even bigger way.

It becomes this cycle that lifts you up.

The trick is to start.

How do you do that? 

Here are a couple of strategies to get you started:

#1: I’m going to encourage you to take some advice from my mentor which is to take a complete break from talking poorly about yourself.  Even if it seems like something tiny or insignificant. Basically anything that begins with the phrases, “I can’t” or “I’m not”. These aren’t words that inspire confidence!

By the way, I’m not just talking to the newbies here. ANY time you start to play a bigger game in life or in business, insecurities and old negative thoughts can come knocking. (Ask me how I know.) 🙂

Next, start to talk about yourself in the best possible light. Imagine you were consistently having $10,000 months. What would you say about yourself? What would you say about your business?  

Start today.  We dare you to share something truly great about yourself with someone you trust.  If you’re already in the Thrive Community, post something great about yourself in the Thrive Membership Facebook Group.  

Sometimes even saying one great thing about yourself takes tremendous courage.  Will you do it?  Will you build this muscle today?

And then simply notice how others act around you. 

#2: Pick just one little piece about building your business that you feel less than confident about and become a master.

For instance, if you struggle to explain what you do at networking events or have a website that leaves people confused about what you have to offer, coming up with an amazing positioning statement can be a game changer.

This alone can be the boost to your confidence that allows others to engage with you in a completely different way.

Not sure how to create your own positioning statement? Read how to do it right here.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.

Recently, one of our Thrive Members courageously posted in our private Facebook group that she was both inspired and saddened by the financial successes that some of our members had just posted about.
She wrote: “Why not me? What’s wrong with me?”

Have you ever seen other people’s financial success and asked yourself these questions?

If so, you’re not alone.

No matter how successful you are, there will always be others who are more successful. And when you compare yourself to them, it’s painful.

But you don’t know the Full Story…

In the comments below her post, one Thrive Member shared:
“Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable! This was the first time I have really openly shared a financial success and in the 7 years I've been self employed, I felt the same way, "why not me? What's wrong with me?" It has taken a lot of soul searching and exploration, lots of professional development and coaching to get me, first, in the right mindset and energy wavelength, and second, teach me the strategies I was missing.”

When you see other people’s successes and compare them to your struggles, it’s SO easy to make up that these other people never struggle and they have it so easy. But everyone struggles at times, including me and Sharla.

We’ve grown through our tougher times, and while they were very uncomfortable, we would not trade them for the world, as they’ve made us who we are today.

Instead, we recommend you ask yourself, “How is my struggle making me stronger, wiser and more compassionate?”

Can you have compassion for yourself?

Our member who posted about her jealousy went on to share that she had been grieving the loss of her mother for the last 3 months...

And so I commented, “There is a time to crawl up in your shell, do your healing work, and slowly move your business along like a tortoise. And there is a time to sprint in your business and create HUGE momentum in a short period of time, like a hare.

The problem is that many people tell themselves they should be a hare when everything inside of you is telling you to be a tortoise. Losing your mother is a BIG deal and it’s important to give yourself time to heal so that when you do move back into “hare mode” you have been transformed by this event and have a deeper well of wisdom, love, compassion and safety to draw from and to give to your clients.

Honor Your Successes (no matter how big or small)

It’s so easy, when you see someone else’s success to feel like your own successes are insignificant in comparison.
Later in the post, she shared that she had three workshops and one speaking gig lined up for the summer.

This is HUGE! These 4 speaking events, when coupled with the templates that we provide in our Six Figure Speaker program, are enough to generate tens of thousands of dollars in new clients.

Can You Turn Your Jealousy into Desire?

When most people are faced with the extremely uncomfortable feeling of jealousy, they try to numb it with food or drugs or work or alcohol. Or they try to talk themselves out of it or try to think spiritual thoughts...
Instead, breathe into it and FEEL it. Feel the power. Feel the desire. Feel the longing. Feel the strength that is inside of you. Feel your desire to have the life you think they have... or to be the person you think they are.

And then, turn that desire into a deeper commitment to fulfilling your deepest commitments. This is a time to ask yourself what are you most committed to? And how important is it to you? And what are you willing to sacrifice for that commitment?

You may find that you want to experience what you think the person you are comparing yourself to is experiencing. Or you might discover that you’re actually not committed to the kind of life that that person has... and that there is a deeper truth to what you want.

For example, we have friends who are making $5 million, $10 million, $20 million per year... when we compare ourselves to them, we can start to feel bad about not being there yet.

But when we get really honest with ourselves (and remember that our boys are almost 4 and almost 7), what we want more than a HUGE amount of money is the freedom to vacation on houseboats, and ride ATV’s, and go swimming, and sit courtside at the NBA finals. We want afternoons with our kids instead of shipping them off with nannies. We want to have NO REGRETS and want to fully enjoy this time... rather than storing away millions of dollars to spend after our kids are teenagers and want to have nothing to do with us because we were not present for their lives.

My friend, Peter Sol, recently passed away. He posted this on Facebook, about two weeks before he passed:
“The most dangerous risk of all- Spending your life not doing what you want on the bet that you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.”

So I have to ask you…
What would you do with your life if you never compared your struggle to someone else’s success ever again?

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.