March 4, 2016 by Jesse Koren

Let Go Of A Client Who Drains You?

Yesterday, one of our Thrive Members posted in our private Facebook group about her decision to let go of a client who drained her. She wasn’t sure if she did the right thing.

In my past, I have drained myself countless times in exchange for money (and it nearly killed me) so, I passionately answered her question... our members loved my response so much that they told me to turn it into a blog post.

Here’s my answer to the question about should I release a client who drains me?

It takes courage to release a client (and the income that comes along with them). I'm glad that you didn't let scarcity over take you.

Exchanging getting drained for getting paid is NOT ever worth it, for any reason! (That is something to write on a post-it note and hang on your desk.)

But, before I would dismiss a client, I would inquire deeply into what was draining about working with this client.

I find that there are 3 Major Client Drainers:

1) Overgiving.
Charging too little or giving too much of your time, almost always leads to feelings of being drained. It takes courage to charge what you want to charge and end the session when you say you’re going to end. Do it anyway. It will leave you with more energy to continue your day.

2) Not speaking your truth.
Those things that you wish you could say to your client (but it might be rude or disrespectful, and after all, they're paying you lots of money...) Those are the things you need to say!!! Just begin your bold statement with a large dose of acknowledgment, compassion and gentleness. It's nearly impossible to boldly speak your truth and get drained at the same time.

3) Getting attached to your clients getting results.
This seems like a good thing... don't we all want our clients to get great results? Of course!

The problem is that when you get attached to your client getting great results, you tighten up. And when you tighten up, you lose connection with your client and you lose connection with your intuition. From this place, you probably push your client too hard, or you protect your client from your inner pusher and you become quiet and withholding. Neither works.

Instead, trust that there is a much bigger picture working here. Sometimes people are ripe for results, and other times, it takes time.

Your clients' results do NOT determine your goodness or worthiness. You can be amazing, even if your client didn't get results. And you can be terrible and still have clients get results.

But... it's helpful to use their lack of results as inspiration to step up your game so that you are holding the most optimal space for your clients to get results.

It's helpful to trust that there is a bigger picture happening that we are not always privy to that goes WAY beyond how much money they made, weight they lost, or soulmate they have found.

It's helpful to celebrate the results they are getting, no matter how big or small.

It's helpful to address your clients' feelings about the results they're getting.

It's helpful to love them completely as they are, even if they don't change a bit. And, at the same time, it's helpful to hold vibrant space for them to become who they are becoming.

But, it's NOT helpful to take responsibility for your clients' results. You can't get results for your client, even if you try your hardest. Because they are the ones doing the work... it's their results. Your job is to hold impeccable space, like a cocoon for a butterfly. The space you hold includes your love, wisdom, energy, and compassion. And it's their choice to become the butterfly.

When you're doing your best to help your client win, it's best to simply hand the rest over to them and to God/the Universe and trust that everything that is happening is exactly what needs to happen.

But, what if you’ve been charging an amount that feels good, sticking to your time agreements, speaking your truth, and giving the results over to God/the Universe. But, you're still getting drained. Well...

Sometimes the arc is simply over and it’s time to complete. After all, even the best things in life have a beginning, middle, and end.

Your work together might feel like a stick of bubble gum that you've been chewing for 30 minutes and it simply no longer has much flavor.

If this is the case, we recommend you set this client free and refer them to another resource that can help them grow.

This will make space for new clients to emerge.

Sometimes, the problem is having draining clients... but other times, the BIGGER problem is simply getting enough high-paying clients to pay the bills. If this is the case, we’d love to help... Check out our life-changing Client Attraction Summit.

Would love to read your comments below.

September 22, 2015 by Jesse Koren

Why You Should Never “Close” Another Sale

If the story I’m about to tell you makes you even a little uncomfortable, I invite you to continue reading because eventually it has a happy ending...

Imagine you’re at a used car lot and you feel a presence lurking. Yes, you need a car but you’re not really finding “your” car in this lot. Suddenly, here he comes sauntering towards you. You notice the way he looks at you, almost like a coyote ready to sink his teeth into the “sale.”

As he approaches, you almost feel him breathing down your neck. You wonder, has he forgotten you are a human being or does he just see you as one big dollar sign?

He approaches with his bright shiny smile (aka baring his teeth) and launches into why this car is the perfect car for you. You want to run and hide, but instead you politely listen to him talk about this “perfect” car you aren’t even interested in. Finally, you use one of your agile maneuvers to distract him for a moment and you make your getaway…phew, that was close!

Okay, so this is a little extreme but I imagine you’ve felt this way at some point in your life…a victim to the salesman who didn’t see you as a person, but instead you became a “sale” and that person’s sole agenda was to “close the sale.”

I know you’re not a used car salesman and I know you’re not ready to sink your teeth into your next victim. But you’ve no doubt felt the impact of this “close the sale” energy at some point. And it is because of these types of experiences that most coaches and holistic practitioners avoid selling at all.

And yet if you want to be successful in your practice you’ve got to learn how to sell. But most sales trainings will tell you that you have to “close the sale.” Let’s take a look at the energy behind “the close” and why you should never “close a sale” again...

First, when you think of “closing a sale,” how do you feel?

For me it conjures up ideas of hunting a “prospect” down just like the coyote metaphor in the story above.

When you’re “closing,” you’re bringing an end to something. When you’re referring to your “prospect” as a “sale,” you’re missing the humanity of the person who’s standing right in front of you or who is on the other end of the phone.

In Heartselling™, you never close a sale. Instead, you support your potential clients to commit to investing in themselves. In essence, you’re helping them open vs. closing them.

For example:

-What if they could be pain free and enjoy picking up their grandkids again?

-What if they really could achieve the dream they’ve been thinking about for years?

-What if they could have 10 times more energy than they have now?

Do you feel the difference in “closing a sale” vs. “opening your potential client?”

Here’s an example of how this works:

At every Client Attraction Summit we do a live Heartselling™ demonstration with a participant. A few years ago at one of our events, I looked out at the hands of volunteers and I was immediately drawn to work with a beautiful, vibrant woman with short red hair and exotic clothes.

As she approached the stage, I realized we had met before at a Tantra workshop, so that’s how we started the conversation. During the course of the conversation, I discovered she had a Vision to help a LOT of people by leading Tantra retreats. I could see her inspiration…and I could also see her frustration with not having the next steps to see her Vision come to life.

First we uncovered what a LOT really meant (in numbers of people and dollars) and I supported her to feel what it would be like to have this dream come true. And she opened and then opened some more. It was like witnessing a flower blooming.

And then I shared with her that we had a step-by-step system to help her earn tens of thousands of dollars leading her retreats…and she opened even more. By the time we were done with the conversation, she was in tears of joy at the excitement of what was possible for her and for her clients to come. By the end of the weekend, she said “Yes” to herself by signing up for the programs that will help her achieve this dream.

It’s conversations like these that remind me why I love selling. Yes, I really said “I love selling.” Because when I have a Heartselling™ conversation with a potential client, I know her life will never be the same. She will see something is possible that she had previously missed, or worse…even felt resigned to never being able to have. It’s about opening her up to deeper parts of herself and having her say “Yes” to what her higher self wants for her.

Do you see how the energy of a Heartselling™ conversation is so different from “closing a sale?”

This is what makes it so powerful and has you become a magnet for the perfect clients.

The next time you are having a conversation with a potential client, remember you’re there to Open them up and notice how different that feels. I bet you’ll be so pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to help them say “Yes” to your services and to say “Yes” to themselves.

In next week’s blog post, you’ll hear from a Thriver who does a beautiful job of opening potential clients and how she thinks about it. If you’ve got any reservations about selling, you’re going to love next week’s post.

Would love to read your comments below.

September 16, 2015 by Jesse Koren

YIKES! My Pants Split Open on Stage

A couple of years ago, we led our Client Attraction Summit.

I (Jesse) had spent many hours the week before the event, praying for avalanches of abundance to flow to the entire Thrive Community. So when I stepped on stage on Friday morning, even though I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep, I was on fire.

By Sunday morning, our attendees are literally glowing. It’s about 11:00am. The song Good Feeling by Flo Rida is blasting from the speakers and I am in my element, dancing solo on stage with a group of about 200 Coaches and Holistic Practitioners dancing with me.

I try a slightly crazy move... and suddenly I feel the back of my pants go RIPPPPPP!!!! The confident smile on my face turns to shock.

I slide my hand over the back of my pants and yep... my black boxer briefs are now visible.

But the music is loud, so nobody heard the rip. And there’s no one behind me, so no one can see it...

So I’ll just keep dancing... And as long as I never turn my back to the group, I’ll be fine.

I end the dancing with a 1, 2, 3, YES!

And everyone takes a seat. I think about putting the group into a partner share so that I can run up to my room to change...

But I am more committed to staying on time and delivering on the Q&A session and so I decide to change my pants later.

As I answer the questions, I remind myself often to face the group at ALL times.

Then a woman shares something very courageous and also very dark about her past. The light-hearted exhilaration in the room turns into a dark, foreboding cloud.

I ask the group if they want me to keep going with content or to switch directions and help this woman have a breakthrough in this area that had been holding her hostage for the last 18 years (and would continue to keep her from attracting clients).

They vote for the breakthrough.

So I bring her on stage and step into my "Breakthrough Coaching Zone."

When I enter this Zone, I lose all self-consciousness and show up fully in service to the woman on stage as well as the entire group.

I start by asking her to reveal something that she had not shared publicly in years: her arms had scars on them from the incident 18 years ago.

She reluctantly takes off her long sleeve shirt to reveal her beautifully scarred arms. The group greets her with love and applause.

I guide her to a place of self-love and forgiveness and invite her to dance slowly as she holds herself in an embrace of self-love.

I can tell that she is still incredibly self-conscious. So I step to the side and invite some women who are moved by her story to come up on stage and literally hold her as they massage her with unconditional love.

She starts sobbing uncontrollably as she feels the love and tenderness of these angelic women. The healing has begun.

After several minutes of healing, one of our team members, Erin Delaney, walks on stage and whispers in my ear, "Your pants are torn at the butt.”

I whisper back, “I know.” And, then it dawns on me. I was no longer facing the group. The whole right side of the room had seen my butt.

Luckily, I am in my Breakthrough Coaching Zone, where I feel like Superman. So instead of getting embarrassed, I ask, "God/Universe, how do you want to use me now?"

Then it comes to me.

It is time for the group of angelic women to step back and make space for this woman to take back her power.

But I know that for her to truly embrace her body without self-consciousness, she is going to need me to lead by example.

So, I face the group and said: “Yesterday, I was talking with a woman who shared with me how well my pants fit. Well, I realize now, that perhaps my pants fit a little too well... When I was dancing earlier, my pants ripped really bad. But, it’s perfect, because if I am going to ask you to be as vulnerable as to share your arms with all of us, I better be willing to be just as vulnerable. So, here goes...”

I turn around, stick my butt out, and wiggle my hips for about two seconds.

The group gasps and then bursts out in laughter.

Immediately, I call for the music and make space for our heroine to step to the front of the stage.

With a huge smile, she dances...Beautiful scars and all.

Her self-consciousness takes a back seat to confidence and her beauty touches everyone in the room.

After a few moments they break into a spontaneous standing ovation as we all acknowledge her courage and beauty.

She walks off the stage, glowing. I am confident her life will be forever changed.

Next I bring Sharla back on stage and acknowledge her for her brilliance, beauty, and also for being the one in our partnership who does not have a slit in the back of her pants (or dress) as the case may be.

The moment I get to the back of the room, I turn into Clark Kent and feel a bit self-conscious... Erin quickly escorts me back to my room, where luckily I had brought an extra pair of slacks... just in case.

My boys are up in my hotel room, and when I show them the huge hole in the back of my pants, they are very impressed.

Now you may be wondering, really??? All that happens at a Client Attraction Summit? Isn’t the Summit supposed to be a business event about how to get more clients? Isn’t it supposed to be serious and a bit boring?

Yes, it is a business event about how to get more clients. But if I allowed the Summit to get boring, there is NO WAY I would have led this same event over 70 times.

In fact, I’ve been to my share of events that were so boring that the thought of stabbing myself with a pencil seemed like a good end to the boredom... I have vowed to do everything in our power to not make our events boring.

As for being a business event that helps you get clients... Yes it is!

Allowing yourself to be a vehicle of service to your clients (no matter how “good” or “bad” it makes you look) is one of the best things you can do to attract clients.

In fact, in spite of this “incredibly embarrassing (or sexy) moment,” it was our highest revenue generating event ever.

Was it the fact that I showed the group my butt? I don’t think so. I think that the huge success came from the fact that the group knew I was willing to do anything and everything in my power to facilitate a life-changing weekend for the whole group.

And life-changing it was...

Already, there have been many posts in our private Facebook group from people raving about the weekend and some from people who are already getting clients, including this one:

“Less than 24 hours since officially joining this community and already scheduled 3 new clients!!! It's amazing the magic that comes when you commit to your dreams and say YES!”

So my question for you is:

When have you put your own self-consciousness to the side to serve your clients? And what happened as a result?

Would love to read your comments below.

August 12, 2015 by Sharla Jacobs

How to Raise Your Rates (And Feel Good About It)

Have you ever wanted to raise your rates, but the voices of fear keep you from actually doing it?

These internal voices say things like:

Who are you to think you can charge more?
Is it even spiritual to accept money at all?
If you were really spiritual you would do this work for free!
No one will sign up because they won’t be able to afford it. People will think you’re greedy or in it just for the money.
Other _____________ (coaches, practitioners, massage therapists, nutrition counselors, etc.) charge ________. How can you even consider charging more?

How do we know about these voices?

Many years ago, we raised our hourly coaching rate (to a rate that sounds like a smokin’ deal now, LOL)…

I (Sharla) stood on stage in front of some of our best clients, offering VIP days (which we rarely offer because our time is so limited for private clients). And although I looked confident on the outside, I was trembling inside.

I KNEW that working with Jesse and me privately would help these clients position themselves like rock stars, attract the exact right clients, create a clear path to get from where they were stuck in their business to exactly how much income they wanted to make…while working less.

But suddenly I had the same feelings of insecurity and discomfort that I experienced the first time I raised my fees…and the second and the third.

No matter how many times you raise your fees, it’s common to “not feel ready” or to know you’re ready but still feel uncomfortable, especially when you start actually telling your potential clients about it.

But there comes a time when what you’re charging doesn’t feel balanced with the value you’re providing and you’ve got to do it in order to stay in integrity with yourself and in alignment with your values.

Here are 3 Tips to help you raise your rates:

Tip #1: Avoid looking to other coaches and holistic practitioners to figure out what you should charge.

Many of our members initially say, “Other [therapists, coaches, etc.] charge this much; so how can I charge more?”

Instead, look for how you can INCREASE the value you offer to your clients rather than be just like everyone else in your industry.

When I was pregnant with our first son, Jacob (now 7), my belly got too big to lie face down on the massage table and I noticed I was having a difficult time enjoying a satisfying massage. So, I sought out a therapist with an ergonomically designed cushion for expecting moms like me and was happy to pay the extra dollars for the added value.

Ask yourself, “How can I increase the value of what I’m offering? What do I offer that’s unique?”

Tip #2: “Feel Into” Your New Rate

If you’re charging too little, you’ll likely feel resentful and overworked. If you’re charging too much, you might feel greedy. There is a perfect balance that lies somewhere in between.

Unless you feel like you can truly own your new rates, you’ll stumble and feel awkward when sharing these new rates with potential clients.

To figure out what rate you can confidently own, here’s a short exercise:

Imagine you’re talking with a potential client.
And say the price you want out loud.
Then check in with your body to find out how it feels.

If it feels GREAT, you just might have your new price.

If it feels anything other than GREAT, you’re not there yet.

If you don’t feel anything in your body, don’t worry.

Sometimes the new rate just doesn’t have much juice.

Also, not everyone gets information from checking in with how their body feels. Some people just have a voice of clarity or inner knowing that it’s right or not right. Others need to imagine publishing this new rate on your website (although we don’t recommend this for reasons we can share in the future).

Just use the best way of discovering what’s right for you when you’re making a decision.

Still confused about it?

At the Client Attraction Summit, we will guide you through an exercise to find your perfect fees. Chances are you’ll give yourself a raise because at least 95% of our past participants have done so.

Tip #3: Be Willing to Feel Uncomfortable for a Short Time After You Raise Your Rates

I have always found that whenever I have raised my private coaching rates, I go through an “adjustment” period.

At first, it’s difficult to say (like in the story I shared earlier in the article). Then I justify this increase to myself by thinking about how my clients will get more value at this new rate and how I deserve to be paid well for the great work I do. Eventually, I settle into it as perfect and right.

What usually happens after I get the first big “Yes!” is I’m able to “own” my new fee and it fits perfectly. I have found that this is when the real shift happens.

After having a difficult time at that event sharing our new VIP day rates for the first time (with not one single client saying “Yes” by the way), I could have decided that I’d made a huge mistake and I should drop my rates back down.

Instead, I knew that going through the discomfort of the “adjustment period” was part of my process and if I hung in there long enough, I would eventually feel comfortable and confident.

A few weeks later we got our first client at our new rate. I felt a little nervous just before the initial consultation call, but I showed up with 100% of my energy, now fully aligned with the new fee. And because I owned my value, our client got tons more out of it than if we were charging our lower fee.

We haven’t raised our rates for private coaching for years because we feel so aligned with our rates for private work. (It’s all about alignment.)

When you feel great about your rates, you don’t question them….

But when something is niggling at you that it’s time to raise them, it’s common to experience this adjustment period and then eventual success.

If you’re willing to deal with the discomfort for a short time, knowing that it is part of the process of raising your fees (and not a sign you should shrink back), then you’re on the road to attracting more appreciative clients who will see the value in what you have to offer.

And the good news is:

Over time, you’ll become less intimidated by the prospect of raising your rates. You’ll just know when the time is right and become aligned with it more quickly. The adjustment period shrinks and you’re on your way to serving your clients in a deeper way, because you’re aligned with what your clients are investing to transform their lives by working with you.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.

July 21, 2015 by Jesse Koren

3 Secrets for Moving Forward Even When You Don’t Feel Ready...

Do you ever feel like you’re just not ready?

To get your first client. To lead your first workshop. To write your book or Home Study Course. To fill a High End Group Program. To have your first $10,000 month...

If you don’t feel ready, you’re not alone. Whenever you are considering growing to the next level, it’s so easy to feel like you’re not ready.

Because if you were ready, wouldn’t you already be where you wanted to be?

Over the last 13 years Sharla and I (Jesse) have often struggled with feelings of “I’m not ready” or “I’m not prepared.”

Fortunately we didn’t let that feeling stop us from reaching our people. Along the way we’ve discovered some strategies that have helped us when we didn’t feel ready.

Strategies that have allowed us to continue to up our game and help over 50,000 people worldwide.

After working with thousands of gifted Coaches and Holistic Practitioners, we’ve discovered that two things are almost universally true:

You want to help more people and make more money.
Even though you want this badly, you don’t feel totally, 100% ready.

Everyone has ways of coping with their feelings of not being ready. But some strategies work better than others.

Here are some strategies that don’t work so well:

Raiding the refrigerator (substitute your addiction of choice)
Zoning out in front of your computer or tv
Getting a ton of certifications to prove that you are ready. (Sometimes, our clients with the highest credentials have felt the least ready.)

What can you do instead? Here are my 3 secrets for moving forward even when you don’t feel ready...

Secret #1: Commit Now (and trust you’ll be ready when the time comes)

We are about to set our schedule for our 2016 events. Am I ready for next year’s events? Hell, no. But, I do know that once I commit to the dates, the Universe then goes to work to prepare me for each event. I will get the magical blend of support and challenge that will help me be of the greatest service to the people who attend each event.

Let’s take this premise a step further. Recently, the night before a big Client Attraction Summit, one of our team members asked me if I was ready for the event. “No, I’m not ready,” I said. She looked a little concerned. “But I will be ready tomorrow morning at 9am.” As soon as I said that, I felt a rush of excitement shoot through me, as I mentally prepared to greet a couple hundred people from all over the US (and some from other countries) who were coming to take their life and business to the next level.

And ready I was.

This has happened enough times that I have come to realize that if I commit to something, I will be ready by the time it happens.

So, expect to NOT be ready at the time you commit... but expect to be ready by the time you get there. And, if what you’re committed to feels like a BIG leap, get ready for a powerful, growth-filled ride that will perfectly prepare you for what you’re leaping into.

Secret #2: Use breath and mantras to get ready

About 7 years ago, I was asked to be a guest speaker at a very large seminar, by far the largest group of people I had ever spoken in front of. I did not feel ready. No matter how much I practiced what I was going to say, I still didn’t feel ready. But, I had to show up and trust that I would be ready by the time I walked on stage, right?

The problem was that I wasn’t speaking until right before lunch, so I had to sit in the audience and wait for my turn to speak. Sweat is pouring out of every pore in my body and all I can think is: “I’m not ready for this. What if this time I really f*#% it up?”

So, I started saying to myself: “I love you no matter how this goes. I love you no matter how this goes. I love you no matter how this goes.” As my time for speaking approached, I was starting to feel a bit safer and a bit calmer.

But then, I discovered that my speaking slot had been moved until after lunch. My gremlins came back even louder than before. “You are definitely going to f&*% this up!”

So, I started another mantra: “Thy Will be Done.” I love this mantra, because it reminds me that there is an Intelligence in this Universe that goes WAY beyond my intelligence and the way I think things should go. After all, my heart beats, my breath goes in and out, flowers bloom, forests grow, and the Earth orbits around the sun... all, without my managing any of it.

By repeating the mantra “Thy Will Be Done,” I handed over control of how the event went to this benevolent intelligence.

Obviously, this Benevolent Intelligence wanted me to stew in my thoughts some more, because my speaking slot got moved AGAIN. So, I started another mantra. And another.

By the time, I finally spoke at about 5:30 in the evening, I had worked through my biggest fears. Without my fears sabotaging me, I delivered an incredible 20-minute talk and was mobbed by people afterward who wanted to get into the Client Attraction Summit. So that happened.

Secret #3: Find Someone Who Believes in You (and let them support you)

There was a time when I really didn’t believe in myself. I was 23. I had flown out to North Carolina to interview for a Wilderness Therapy Counselor position for at risk teens. The interview was a 24-hour interview, where I joined a group of 10 teenagers and their two counselors to experience life at camp. I envisioned a bunch of teens happily working together in the woods and sharing meals together.

Instead, it was the longest 24 hours of my life.

At 10pm, the group was still yelling swear words that echoed across the forest. So, the group counselors took the boys on a walk through the dark woods to settle them down. At 11pm, the boys were still hooting and hollering and saying some of the most disrespectful things I had ever heard. Eventually, Patrick physically restrained one of the boys who was out of control, and held him on the ground until he calmed down. Eventually the group calmed down enough to walk back to their tents and go to sleep.

As I lay awake that night, I knew I wasn’t ready for anything this. I was totally out of my league.

The next morning, I met with the Camp Director, Rhonda, for my final interview. “Everyone loves you here,” she said. I’d like to offer you the position.”

I was stunned. Exhausted. Constipated. And I felt like a deer in the headlights.

“Do you really think I can do this?” I asked.

“Yes, I do,” she said. “And we’re here to support you.”

I looked in her eyes and I knew that she meant it.

I knew that if I said “Yes” it was going to be really, really hard. And I knew that if I said “no” I would be selling out on the leader I so badly wanted to grow into.

I said “yes.”

Over those two years, I doubted myself a ton. There were days when swerving into oncoming traffic seemed easier than showing up for work. But, when it got really rough, I often thought about that day, sitting in Rhonda’s office where she told me that she believed in me. And I leaned into her support and the support of my co-counselors.

When I finally “graduated”, after the 2 years, I had an unshakable confidence in myself. I knew that if I could survive 2 years at that camp, that I could do anything.

This confidence has fueled our success at Thrive. Because I know that there is nothing that Sharla and I can’t fulfill on in our business and with the help of our team. And, I also know that you too, can do anything.

It takes having a community of people supporting you and believing in you, to have the success you want.

Hopefully, you have a LOT of people who believe in you, who are supporting your business and who are rooting for your success.

And, this is one of the biggest gifts we offer at our Client Attraction Summit. Our belief that you can have a successful business where you get paid well to support clients you love.

And, we would love to give you 3 Full Days of our undivided attention and support, to help you get there. This is why we occasionally open Full Scholarships to the Client Attraction Summit.

If you haven’t applied for yours, we invite you to do so now.

Click here to apply for Your Full Scholarship.

We’d love to support you.

Love and Prosperity,

Jesse

Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below.